Dear Fit Girl

Dear Fit Girl (a.k.a. every thin, in shape, smaller lady-person I've ever met),

I've dreaded this moment for much of my life: where I come head to head with "the enemy." I believed that I would be here in a balls-out-hair pulling-winner-takes-all competition to finally prove to you that I was more than my pounds. I'd be some sort of righteous, confident Adele-esque Super Hero. Freddie once called me Dynamite with a Laser Beam, and I'd blast skinny people off their pedestal with my cunning wit and "passion for equality".

A deep cringe feels like the most appropriate reaction to that right now.

I have to come clean. I really fucked this one up.

Somehow over my years, I lost sight of who or what I was fighting. I've come to see you as the enemy, or rather, the anti-me. I began to judge you, avoid and worst of all, sometimes purposefully alienate you. 

I've disliked you simply based on your appearance.

Please. Let me just sit with that one. Just for a moment.

"Oh, hey injustice and prejudice I've abhorred and fought against all my life! Fancy meeting you here, as a part of my own value system!"

Holy. Fuck. Shit. I am not only a hypocritical nitwit, I've also been a real dick.

To those I've judged, I'm truly sorry. You deserved better. To those I have yet to meet, I can't promise we'll be besties. I mean, if you are a serial murderer, it's probably going to be a check "no" on that note you passed to me. But I can promise you that I will not discredit, dislike or discard your potential friendship based on your body. 

Unless it is coming at mine with an ax attached to it. Then, Crazy, it's on.

With Respect,

Fat Girl

The JRP

Happy New Year, all!  I've made some important decisions in the past few days, and one of them is to write out a sort of journal entry here that may help me start the new year right. This time of year is always a good time to take time out, look at where you are, where you came from and where you want to go. And this year, I have a lot of big goals.

Last May when I made the decision that I would give myself one more year in Seattle before I moved on to the next part of my life, I could never have imagined that it would be one of the best and most meaningful years in my life thus far. This year has been magical, a little heartbreaking, challenging and above all, rewarding. I started the year battling with major depression, which lead to ending up in the darkest place I've ever been. I made the decision to keep living, and even more decided that i never want to be in that place again. I've spent some of the past 12 months finding out why I felt that way and searching for solutions, giving myself love and the asking myself some very tough questions, I've made some difficult decisions and been brave more than once. I've realized that things I thought were my weaknesses are actually strengths, and vice-versa, and I'm working on healing the parts of me that need it.

Aside from the psychological work I've done, I've truly been enjoying my time in Washington State. I've had adventures, overcome fears, and found love and happiness in unexpected places. I've traveled to 8 different states and 5 national parks, I've had visitors, been a visitor and consumed a shit ton of beer. Overall, it's been a great fucking year.

But now, I am faced with a new year. New challenges and opportunities? New resolutions and motivation?? That's a nice way to look at it, right??? Sure.....

My inner demon is saying "yeah, right." A good start to the year has not been my experience in the past. I am a full-fledged new year hater. I have playlists dedicated to how much January tortures me, and I find myself stressing and afraid, trying to figure out how the hell I'm going to make it through this month without ending up back where I was last year. It is of no help that January is the start of the worst weather. In Seattle, it's rain and cold, for the next 5 months. In NH, it's bitter cold, and the wind makes your lips raw and burns your eyes on contact. Also, the holiday high is over. I'm back to the grind and the past few years I've left my family behind after Christmas, without plans to see them again. There are no other holidays to look forward to in the near future. To top off the list of shitty new year trends, almost all of the relationship deaths I've had in my life or witnessed happen between the end of December and the beginning of March. And while that is usually a product of people feeling empowered to change their lives, it also starts the year in a place of grief.

With all of these things, you can see why historically, I fucking hate January. In complaining to my lovely sister last night about how January is the worst, we were talking about solutions. Starting a petition to remove it from the calendar year wouldn't really do any good, as another month would pull forward and be just as miserable. Then, Kate made a suggestion that really stuck with me. Why don't I reclaim January?

So, without further ado, Introducing! The January Reclamation Project, or JRP for short.

Reclamation is a term usually used with regards to ecology and land action. It means to take an area that isn't what it could be and make it into something with greater purpose. Well, Endless Sea of Sorrows otherwise known as January, I'm about to land fill your ass.

That's right. I'd going to make you one of my more successful months of the year. Mentally, emotionally and physically. I'm not one for new year's resolutions. Long term planning big goals which there is no end in sight are overwhelming, and based on my previous experience, a way to set myself up for ultimate failure. So instead, my only goal is to change my frame of mind and perspective with the goal to make some big changes and some small changes that will ultimately end in big results.
I'm going to spend less time focused on other people's lives and how other people see my life, and more just on living my own life, everyday, exactly how I want it lived, which includes traveling,  improving my health and finding happiness in myself.  

Thank you for reading and continuing to check up on me. This blog has turned from a travel blog, to a humor blog, to a self-discovery blog, and it remain to be all three of those things at once (and probably more), which is good for me. I hope you have a healthy happy new year, and stay tuned for more!

All the love.

Ice Caves!

So, I have a backlog of 2 or 3 posts from the late summer and my birthday that are still to be posted. They need some work. But, instead of working on those, I wanted to do a quick and easy and beautiful update about going to some ICE CAVES!!! 

I posted a picture on the Book, and quite a few people enjoyed it. Would you like to see some more?? Awesome! Me too! Over and over again.

I was getting a little wanderlust-y again (a month is too long without an adventure!) and luckily I have an awesome dude friend who was open and excited to go on a little excursion. Actually, Zach was the one who told me about the ice caves, so it worked out nicely we were able to go together. Let start off with some pictures from the trail, where we were treated to a variety of interesting fungus.

Tyneee baaabee musharooms, soo ka-yoooot!

I've seen human tissue that looks like this so frequently that it automatically makes me smell Nystatin powder and steroid creams. Thanks, nursing career!

This one felt slimy and wet. It suspect it is Mother Nature's weird combination love child of a tangerine jelly bean, brains and larvae. Or maybe it's just some fungus.

Polar opposite of one the above!

Picture credits on the shroomie ones above go to Zach. So glad he came because, you see, he is such. A. Fun...gi. 

(collective sigh...)

Aww come on, no love for the 10th grade bio joke? (copyright 2002, Mr. Heifetz)

The taming of the Tree-a-Saurus.
Zach is the only person I know tall enough to look dapper sitting astride on a brontosaurus tree.

Now, down to the serious cave bidniz. I had been reading up on the ice caves over the past few weeks. Out of the more than 500,000 visitors in the past 10 years, there have only been two injuries which were fatal. Because of that, every website containing info on the "Big 4 Ice Caves" has warnings. Many even have diatribes berating hikers they've seen exploring the caves. Honestly? If you are a relatively intelligent adult who is used to nature and has some common sense, it's unlikely anything will happen. 

If you aren't that, then follow these simple steps:

WHAT NOT TO DO IN ICE CAVES

1. Stand under the very edge where the water is pouring off. Standing on the very outskirts of the cave where ice is thinning may sound less scary than going deep into a dark, cold cavern, but I'll take my chances on being stuck inside vs. being instantly crushed to death at the entrance. 

2. Avoid areas with large amount of ice debris. Take an effing hint. Where do you think those ice chunks came from? 

3. Don't play the "echo" game. You know, where you shout something like "ECHO!" or "HELLO!" and wait until an invisible you yells it back over and over? Also, don't: play Marco Polo or let your children scream, and if you have a barking dog, keep it outside and away.

4. Don't try to scale the outside, you dumb, dumb idiot. You will fall, fall through, or cause an avalanche on the people inside the cave. If you want to go mountaineering, go get some crampons and eff off down a crevasse. This is not the place for that. 

Danger: Awesome ahead

First glimpses of the caves, with Zach in the foreground.

Just for a bit of size perspective. See those tiny, tiny little specks to the left of the ice caves? Those are hoomans. 

From just inside the left cave opening

Check out that teal colored icy  action! Waaa sooo neat!

A picture of me, taking a picture, from inside the cave.

Looking toward the back of the cave to the waterfall, with no one in the shot! Zach! How did you get this?? We certainly weren't alone in there!

Zach's a god damn cave-melion. 

The waterfall and cenote-like opening at the back of the cave

And we make our way back towards the entrance, struggling over rocks and boulders for a few hundred feet and taking in the last of the undulating, dripping walls and dark, damp air.

To finish up our day, we took a nice ride to Chuckanut brewery and ejoyed some delicious libations. Overall, a great, successful adventure Saturday, and I'm so glad I was able to go! I'm going to be moving back East next summer, and I'm happy to add this to the list of things I've seen and done out here on the West Coast. Special thanks to Zach for being an awesome adventure companion. More to come soon!

In Which There Is Spring and Summer Recap!

Ahhh salam and good evening to you! Please, please! Come closer!

Time to jump off my mental health high horse and back into the realm of "How I Love the PNW". It was a beautiful effing summer in Seattle. Dark, cloudy mornings with a cool dampness in the air, gave way to bright, warm afternoons with sun and white fluffy clouds. The air was remarkably clear despite the warmth, and the ability to see the mountains nearly every sunny day was pretty unbelievable.

I've had quite a few visitors. Erin came to see me and she was wonderful for company. Matty and Amy just left this morning (I originally wrote that back in August), and Cousin Jess was around as well. Unfortunately, I get a F+ on taking pictures when company is around. They took most of the pictures, which someday I may find and post.

In consideration of that "someday" statement, I'll post some about my other adventures. Weekend trips! I guess I could start off with my two visits to Paradise.

Decisions, decisions...

Mount Rainier is an active Volcano (capital V, show some god damn respect), the PNW's largest, and it is glaciated year round. If ya'll don't know, it's pretty epic. There is a reason people here just call it "The Mountain." No, not that Mountain. This one. I've taken two trips: a rather ill-planned, slightly terrifying one and an incredibly beautiful, serendipitous one.

First trip, I left after work one night, since Mt. Rainier appears to be in Renton's back yard. NOTE: THIS IS NOT ACCURATE.


Pfffp I could walk to that before sundown!

I left at 10 of 6, knowing that the sun did not fully set until 8:30 or so. "I should have at least a half hour of sunlight before it's too dark to seem," I thought. That probably would have been the case had I realized that it was over 2 hours away, and the sun actually set closer to 8, since that's when it dipped below the mountains to the West, and also, here's a tip for all you nature sprites out there: the forest gets darker, earlier! Also, I should have probably told someone I was going, since I lost cell phone coverage half way there. And, my car was on it's way out of this universe. All cars go to heaven, right?

Paradise is named for it's beauty and uncompromising views of Mt. Rainier. So, it's May, and it's warm outside, Spring is in full bloom in Seattle. It should be about time that things are manage-ably melted, right?

"Nope," says the 17 foot snowbanks.

Well, at least it's safe. the road wouldn't be open if it wasn't, right?

"Here's a big serving of Nope, with a side of you-apparently-know-very-little-about-mountain-climates" says the Extreme Avalanche Danger warning signs.


Goodnight, Cascades

This makes me feel... safe and completely unsafe at the same time.

Well. It was lesson in poor execution of wanderlust, and one of the most terrifying car experiences I've had. Happily, my second trip was really a better one. Me and Zach and Marie decided to wander down to the Mt. Rainier National Park. I've been dying to do the Grove of the Patriarchs' walk, so we hit that up first, then made our way up to paradise. Here are some pretty sweet pics of the day!

Pretty little stream by the Grove.

TWINSIES!

GRAAARRR I'M THE BARK MONSTER!!!

This buck quite liked Zach and I

I also spent a few weeks checking out some of the local parks (because that's how I do PNW best,) and walked around the International District a bit. I won't bore you with too many pictures, because let's face it: too many pictures of greenery and trees all start to look the same, and they never look as cool on photos as they did in real life.


Schmitz Reserve Park. Some of the oldest trees in the city, and a very cool little walk.

AHHHH WTFASDFJJWQETRJADF!!! oh.. oh my god. ok, it's just a tree. Painted like a giant Dinosaur Alligator.Caalm down. But seriously, it scared me half to death. Because it's so.... real...looking... shut up, it was scary, okay?

A little look out park at the end of Magnolia bridge, I walked here and enjoyed the sunset. 

The Gates to the ID

 

Pagoda Park in the ID

The guardians on many, many of the ID's telephone poles. Very cool.

I also took a long weekend and headed out to see my two favorite Spokanians. Miss Katie and Mr. Matt. We did some cool stuff, the coolest of which was just spending time, laughing and having heart to hearts, talking about broken cities and even more broken education systems. We created a performing Trio, in which I opera sing Disney classics, while Katie river-dances and Matt lectures loudly (over my singing) about tactical fishing. Performing arts at it's finest? We think so.

We checked out the Spokane riverfront, went to some rad restaurants, went to yoga, and checked off one of my most wanted things to do in Washington State: Palouse Falls.Check it out!

Spokane reminds me a bit of charming New England. Brick mills and old bridges!

Lower falls. Katie and Matt were not as enthused when they thought this was it.

 
I successfully came away with my first sunburn this year after spending approximately an hour and a half outdoors in the Washington desert! It was totally worth the drive. Thanks, guys, for supporting my insatiable wonder of nature!

I went back East too. I thought, a year is just too long! I needed to see my smallkins and all my loves. 

OMG SEATAC!! I AM SO EXCITED!

Thank you, airports, for finally understanding that water should be free.

I also got to spend some time playing tourist in Boston with Jdogg. So here. Pictures of Boston, where history is magical! 

Uhh.... Well, Tufts isn't known for their literary achievements...

     

The old Statehouse. Golden Unicorn and lion. That's how New Englanders Roll.

Boston is charming. Lots of Iron statues. So quaint.

When I came back, many weekends were full of lakeside beer drinking, waterfall-side beer drinking, and bridge jumping, including the Floating Bridge's ramps to nowhere, where I Zach and I had NO FEAR, jumping 40 feet from the bridge into the swampy lake below. No pictures, but you can see a video of someone else doing it here. I did dislocate my coccyx while trying to spare my broken foot. 

After hurting myself severely enough to need a standing desk for 4 weeks, I decided it was time to cool it a bit. About this time, Ladyhawk starting dying for realz, and I knew it was time to upgrade. You can check out my new ride and my extended summer/fall adventures in the next few posts.