Sunday, November 15, 2015

Mountains vs. Volcanoes

Hello, you! It's been awhile. How have you been?

Me? Well, it's been 8 turbulent months. 8 exciting, bittersweet, enlightening lost and found months. And now, it's time for a lot of soul-and-heart-on-my-sleeve-type blogging.

In May, I moved 3,300 miles from the city that, from the moment I arrived, felt deep in my heart like the most truthful meaning of home, to the city that I grew up in. Almost exactly a year prior, I came out of a debilitating depressive episode ready to live fervently, and dedicated the entire year getting ready for this transition. I explored and traveled and soaked up every last drop of the PNW I could possibly manage. I put 30,000 miles on my car with trips to Glacier National Park, the Redwoods, Crater Lake, the Olympic Penninsula, weekend trips to Portland, central Washington and Oregon, Spokane, the North Cascades and Mount Rainier. The amount of adventure and beauty I experienced was absolutely transformative.

I've spent my twenties looking for life's meaning and trying to answer some of the tough questions, like "what is love?" and "who am I?" and "who do I want to be?" I've sought balance and universal truths. I've learned and loved and been humbled often. And finally, this spring before I left Seattle, after a year of truly living, I felt like I finally had caught on to some of those elusive concepts. I felt calm and confident and ready. I had planned, and I knew I faced adversity, but... I was the mountain, and would stand tall through any storm. That's a great metaphor, right?

It was, until I quickly realized that instead of a regular old solid, mountain, I was actually a motherfucking volcano. A giant rock jutting into the sky, exploding chaos. From the day I arrived, I found myself lost and uneasy, and that continued for the better part of the past 6 months.

There have been times where I have felt like I truly lost everything I loved about who I had become those last intensely clear months in Seattle, but I'm slowly starting to realize that for as much chaos as I've spewed into my life, I've also created an incredible amount. Nothing has been lost, it's just been reconstructed. I'm finally discovering the good things I've made and experienced and they are right in front of me. And that's super exciting.

Plus! Now I have a bitchin volcano-life metaphor. Bonus!

So, from Paradise to Terra Firma with a rather extended layover in Pompeii, here I am. Almost every day, I see my awesome family. I spend time with loved ones I've known the better part of my life and I feel so lucky that I'm getting to know many of them all over again. I have a new man in my life, who I dearly adore. I have a job I actually enjoy. And! Just enough nature and adventure to keep me sated. I also get to cherish the PNW and all of my dear friends from there in my heart. I am truly grateful for where I am, and where I've been, and to each and every one of you who has been a part of that. I fucking love you.

Someday soon I'll post some of the pictures I've taken in the past few months. I've had some amazing adventures! Thanks for following along,
I eely love you!

Get it?


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