In Which There Is Spring and Summer Recap!

Ahhh salam and good evening to you! Please, please! Come closer!

Time to jump off my mental health high horse and back into the realm of "How I Love the PNW". It was a beautiful effing summer in Seattle. Dark, cloudy mornings with a cool dampness in the air, gave way to bright, warm afternoons with sun and white fluffy clouds. The air was remarkably clear despite the warmth, and the ability to see the mountains nearly every sunny day was pretty unbelievable.

I've had quite a few visitors. Erin came to see me and she was wonderful for company. Matty and Amy just left this morning (I originally wrote that back in August), and Cousin Jess was around as well. Unfortunately, I get a F+ on taking pictures when company is around. They took most of the pictures, which someday I may find and post.

In consideration of that "someday" statement, I'll post some about my other adventures. Weekend trips! I guess I could start off with my two visits to Paradise.

Decisions, decisions...

Mount Rainier is an active Volcano (capital V, show some god damn respect), the PNW's largest, and it is glaciated year round. If ya'll don't know, it's pretty epic. There is a reason people here just call it "The Mountain." No, not that Mountain. This one. I've taken two trips: a rather ill-planned, slightly terrifying one and an incredibly beautiful, serendipitous one.

First trip, I left after work one night, since Mt. Rainier appears to be in Renton's back yard. NOTE: THIS IS NOT ACCURATE.


Pfffp I could walk to that before sundown!

I left at 10 of 6, knowing that the sun did not fully set until 8:30 or so. "I should have at least a half hour of sunlight before it's too dark to seem," I thought. That probably would have been the case had I realized that it was over 2 hours away, and the sun actually set closer to 8, since that's when it dipped below the mountains to the West, and also, here's a tip for all you nature sprites out there: the forest gets darker, earlier! Also, I should have probably told someone I was going, since I lost cell phone coverage half way there. And, my car was on it's way out of this universe. All cars go to heaven, right?

Paradise is named for it's beauty and uncompromising views of Mt. Rainier. So, it's May, and it's warm outside, Spring is in full bloom in Seattle. It should be about time that things are manage-ably melted, right?

"Nope," says the 17 foot snowbanks.

Well, at least it's safe. the road wouldn't be open if it wasn't, right?

"Here's a big serving of Nope, with a side of you-apparently-know-very-little-about-mountain-climates" says the Extreme Avalanche Danger warning signs.


Goodnight, Cascades

This makes me feel... safe and completely unsafe at the same time.

Well. It was lesson in poor execution of wanderlust, and one of the most terrifying car experiences I've had. Happily, my second trip was really a better one. Me and Zach and Marie decided to wander down to the Mt. Rainier National Park. I've been dying to do the Grove of the Patriarchs' walk, so we hit that up first, then made our way up to paradise. Here are some pretty sweet pics of the day!

Pretty little stream by the Grove.

TWINSIES!

GRAAARRR I'M THE BARK MONSTER!!!

This buck quite liked Zach and I

I also spent a few weeks checking out some of the local parks (because that's how I do PNW best,) and walked around the International District a bit. I won't bore you with too many pictures, because let's face it: too many pictures of greenery and trees all start to look the same, and they never look as cool on photos as they did in real life.


Schmitz Reserve Park. Some of the oldest trees in the city, and a very cool little walk.

AHHHH WTFASDFJJWQETRJADF!!! oh.. oh my god. ok, it's just a tree. Painted like a giant Dinosaur Alligator.Caalm down. But seriously, it scared me half to death. Because it's so.... real...looking... shut up, it was scary, okay?

A little look out park at the end of Magnolia bridge, I walked here and enjoyed the sunset. 

The Gates to the ID

 

Pagoda Park in the ID

The guardians on many, many of the ID's telephone poles. Very cool.

I also took a long weekend and headed out to see my two favorite Spokanians. Miss Katie and Mr. Matt. We did some cool stuff, the coolest of which was just spending time, laughing and having heart to hearts, talking about broken cities and even more broken education systems. We created a performing Trio, in which I opera sing Disney classics, while Katie river-dances and Matt lectures loudly (over my singing) about tactical fishing. Performing arts at it's finest? We think so.

We checked out the Spokane riverfront, went to some rad restaurants, went to yoga, and checked off one of my most wanted things to do in Washington State: Palouse Falls.Check it out!

Spokane reminds me a bit of charming New England. Brick mills and old bridges!

Lower falls. Katie and Matt were not as enthused when they thought this was it.

 
I successfully came away with my first sunburn this year after spending approximately an hour and a half outdoors in the Washington desert! It was totally worth the drive. Thanks, guys, for supporting my insatiable wonder of nature!

I went back East too. I thought, a year is just too long! I needed to see my smallkins and all my loves. 

OMG SEATAC!! I AM SO EXCITED!

Thank you, airports, for finally understanding that water should be free.

I also got to spend some time playing tourist in Boston with Jdogg. So here. Pictures of Boston, where history is magical! 

Uhh.... Well, Tufts isn't known for their literary achievements...

     

The old Statehouse. Golden Unicorn and lion. That's how New Englanders Roll.

Boston is charming. Lots of Iron statues. So quaint.

When I came back, many weekends were full of lakeside beer drinking, waterfall-side beer drinking, and bridge jumping, including the Floating Bridge's ramps to nowhere, where I Zach and I had NO FEAR, jumping 40 feet from the bridge into the swampy lake below. No pictures, but you can see a video of someone else doing it here. I did dislocate my coccyx while trying to spare my broken foot. 

After hurting myself severely enough to need a standing desk for 4 weeks, I decided it was time to cool it a bit. About this time, Ladyhawk starting dying for realz, and I knew it was time to upgrade. You can check out my new ride and my extended summer/fall adventures in the next few posts. 

In Which There is Heartbreak and Hope

Sooo... how about that last blog being up for months??? Things are a bit better. My days are full of constant self-reminding to be thankful, kind and patient not just with others but with myself.I was pretty effected by Robin Williams' suicide a few weeks ago. To personally have experienced being recently close to suicide makes it sting and ache in a way I would never have expected, especially for a person most would consider a stranger. In a way though, he wasn't a stranger. He was a friend who never knew he was my friend. His movies and stand-up were some of my first experiences with comedy, his outlook on life inspired change in me when I was younger. To know that he was in that place where there seems to be no other possible option other than death and he couldn't find a way to ask for help breaks my heart. I won't say he's in a better place now, I won't say rest easy or that his pain has been relieved, because while those things could be true, the real truth is that no matter the situation, suicide is never a good option for depression. If you have the support you need, that pain and despair can be an amazing catalyst for growth, love and connectedness. Severe depression should have more of a commonplace dailogue to help encourage those who are in that place to speak up without fear of judgement, chastising or misunderstanding. The loss of someone I found to be inspirational is a huge motivation for me to keep myself as far away from that place for the rest of my life as possible. Even if coping and managing depression seems hard and overwhleming at times, it's not as hard as a premature and unneccesary endng. Just imagine if Jumanji had ended 3/4 of the way through. Sometimes, the ending is the best part. I'd like to think that life is the same.

What A Bad Week Looks Like

This entry is not about travel, nor is it purposely entertaining. It is about adventure, I suppose. Adventures in Major Depression. Wompwomp.

So some of you who've read a bit of this blog and some of you who just flat out know me know that I've been struggling with major depression. It's been coming and going as it pleases for about the past 10 years, leaving casualties in it's wake, including weight fluctuations, social isolation, near loss of jobs, and worst of all a serious case of poor self worth.

With that said, it's been a bad week. I'm not usually one to broadcast my business, or even talk candidly about it, but I'm trying to get better at looking for support. I find that as I grow older, attention actually makes me uncomfortable, particularly from strangers. Although, perhaps that's just part of the depression talking as well. Anyway, I'm also trying to get better at telling people when I need to talk, and about asking for help, both of those concepts are for some reason incredibly tricky, despite my pretty solid phone-away-from-home support system. But I thought it was time to journal again, and for some reason it seemed like a good idea to make it public. It was probably a terrible idea, sorry in advance.

My depression can be disabling, and I find that highly embarassing to cope with and admit to people. I don't know how many times I've said things to myself such as "Stop being lazy." or "Get over it." And the old, self-abusive favorite, "You can do better than this, what the fuck is wrong with you?" No one is as hard on you as you are on yourself. Part of me still doesn't understand why I'm like this, and I think that despite the many neuroscience books I've read, countless therapy sessions and discussion with people who also have depression there is something about this disease that doesn't make any fucking sense.

Anyone who has never before experienced major depression firsthand may have a very hard time understanding the situation. Often, they automatically think you are being lazy and you can change if you reaaaaally want to, you just aren't trying hard enough.

Really??? Do you know me at all? Do you know how hard I've tried and succeeded at so many, many things in my life? I have overcome adversity on more than one occasion. I have the capacity to succeed, and I have the know-how to do so as well. Don't you think that if I could have fixed myself overnight I would have? I promise you, I do not enjoy this. Every single bad day, the big thought that keeps me going is that somehow, someday I will be myself again, or at least a better version than I am now. But even that I hardly believe sometimes. Those are the really bad days.

Some people also scoff at the idea that it's disabling. Honestly it's not a word I would have used previously to describe my situation, but I had a bit of a revelation this weekend. I worked on Sunday and I had the pleasure of working with a man who was a wonderful human being with some significant cognitive deficits. His sister was telling me all about how he neglects many normal everyday activities, as if not recognizing them as priorities. Basic human routines, such as eating and sleeping, bathing and going to the bathroom. Sometimes he just forgets that any of that is important.

Well, shit if that doesn't sound familiar. I have a miserable ass headache today, and you want to know what? I gave it to myself. I'm mega dehydrated. Water, the substance of life. I deemed it less important than doing the dishes. I have been avoiding drinking water at home because the dishes in my sink were piled too high to get water out of the faucet without making (more of) a gigantic mess. So instead, I just didn't drink. Nor did I cook. I went out and bought throw-away plates and bowls and cups and plastic cultery so I wouldn't have to do the dishes. A sigh of relief, at least for 25 more meals.

Normal lucid brain say what the fuuuuck??

Yep. Also, I am pretty sure I own more underwear and socks than anyone else I know, because whenever I run out of clean ones, I just go by some more. Laundry seems an insurmountable, impossible and unimportant task. Doing dishes seems less important than having drinking water. Just a few examples from my everyday Adventure in Major Depression.

Ok, clearly something is wrong here. I know it, you know it now, my cats know it, the guy at Target who sees me buying socks in bulk weekly probably knows it too. But knowing the problem does not fight the battle, nevermind win it. When I have these times of realization, that I'm wasting my life sleeping on my couch, gaining back weight that I've lost and being completely isolated, that's when I am the meanest to myself. I know it's clearly not the right way to deal with things, especially since it's not working. I don't feel better or more motivated when I call myself a lazy, fat fuck. Funny, you'd think that'd really motivate me. -_- Clearly I know better, but clearly I do not do better. There's the disconnect.

I'm working on it. I'm working on all of it, all of the time, 24/7. Some days just getting out of bed is "working on it." And luckily, today is one of those days that I have some hope that someday, working on it will be good enough, working on it will be working towards something and I'll start to feel better. After all, wearing new, clean sox is better than wearing no sox or dirty sox, so at least I've made some progress there. The concept of feeling better is grasped, it's the execution that's a little elusive. Sweet Princess Diaries quote right there.

Erin comes to visit tomorrow. I'm so looking forward to the respite from my own mind. And we'll do lots of fun stuff that I'll post about, I'm sure. Hopefully sooner rather than later so this isn't the first post you see on my blog. But thanks for bearing with me.

Pew, Pew, Pew! I do what I want.

Here I am! Less than 2 weeks later. WAT IS THIS. I'm working dilligently on exploring, experiencing and crossing shit off of the PNW TO DO list. I start off a good portion of my days right now feeling like Bilbo Baggins. Here are my adventures from the past week and a half. Brace yourself, pictures are coming.

A big part of my to do list involves outside activites, like some of the more interesting Seattle City Parks. Did you know that there are over 400? I originally thought what about going to them all? That was until I read how many there were and I was like eeeffff that noise! So, I narrowed it down to a mere 12. I've already been to quite a few, but last week was my first time at Carkeek Park. I was highly impressed!



Super nice sunset over the Olympics. There was a guy praying at the top of the trail, and I stopped and listened for awhile. Then we had a heart to heart. I don't know his name, but it was a good talk.









This tree was so big I could climb all around inside of it's stump. Neat-o! 



Taking a break from forests and nature, concerts and live music are always on my to do list. Unlike when I went to Imagine Dragons, the two concerts I went to last week I did not have a seat for. Therefore, I put away my phone and just dug in, standing in the always-too-tall crowd, knowing full well that someone else would have taken better pictures than I ever could that would be quite representative of the joy and excitement I experienced during each show. I love being a know-it-all, because the pictures are pretty brilliant.    



Young the Giant





My delicious Indian Minstrel.



Dan from Bastille, rocking a grey hoodie...

And a nearly perfect Flock of Seagulls.

He disappeared from the stage and ended up in the crowd walking around signing. Luckily Zach pointed it out and I seemed to notice before too many folks in our area, because I squeed my way right up next to him. Twice! Thanks, internet stranger, for capturing a smidge of my face in this picture. Can you see me??

Then, some more nature. I went to Kubota Gardens, which is one of the public parks in South Seattle. It is a super nice Japanese garden. I went on a Friday night and had the place pretty much to myself.



Magnolia trees are some of my favorites in the PNW!



This is François the Blue Heron. A fancy bird with a fancy name!



François en flight



François, a still life.

Gahhh so pretttty!

Then came the weekend. Before I get to some of the bigger weekend trips, I'm going to do some of the smaller stuff on my list. Pinball Museum time! It's a combo museum/arcade, where you pay a certain price and you can get in and play any of the pinball machines (and a variety of other older arcade games, like Tetris and Asteroids). Steve and I went on Saturday and it was pretty rad.

 

WakkaWakka

Hey! That's me!!

This one goes out to Justin.

Oldest working machine in the place.

And now for a series of pictures entitled "I'm way better at taking pictures of Steve than he is at taking pictures of me"





Boobies!

  



You can't beat me at asteroids. Wait wat are you doing?



"I can't play and look at you at the same time." "Well, just do it, you look lame if I take a picture and you're not playing."

"Hey! Take a picture of me owning at Tetris" "You own nothing and this is the worst. Click"

-_-

Overall I'd love to go back and just sit and play Asteroids and Tetris all day. I probably will go back again before I leave.
The last activity I decided I would cram into this manic must-do-new-things-fest it was a good time of year to go up to the Tulip festival. I had heard about this, and then Lori posted some sort of "Best of America" list and this spot made cut. And who else to bring along on hours of sitting in a car stuck in traffic than Miss Mo!  It was delightful despite the traffic. All the mountains were out and we got some sweet shots!

The two prettiest tulips in the fields!

Mt Baker was a lovely backdrop

And the fields were so very vibrant!

Now for the winner of this month's Super Random Award: this old school bus overflowing with rubber bands.

The runners up for the SRA include this mini donkey farm. I want one!

And these Ice Cream Cones that didn't know the meaning of modesty.

That's it for the past two weeks. I imagine my exploits will wind down slightly, seeing as many of my ideas involve long weekends and vacations days, which happen to be in short supply during the healthcare summer. Love you all in the deep places of your soul.